Scattered

Inspiration Writing by admin
We come from people that were forced into submission
From a line that could not be snapped
But somehow
Down the line we’ve been broken and…

And no one has glued us back together
We’ve come from a people that have been attached by some sort of invisible thread

This provides us with a measure of solidarity
A sisterhood, a brotherhood which protects in packs

Yet, individually we’re falling apart.
We’ve come from a past of families and spirituality

Yet, a present of absent fathers and a quest for a foundation that was never provided.
With no foundation how do we build?

Where do we even begin?
We’ve come from linear families that include our grandparents nurturing hand, yet we end up with men whose sole aim is to remove our self worth.
So we are
Shattered

Torn into many pieces and left to be placed backed together
By those whose hands could never mold us properly
And here we are
Visions of him, she, us, and we without a conclusion,
However, our journey will always follow paths to our beginning. 

And so our story begins…
He wasn’t well mended.

His father a womanizer while his mother turned a blind eye to it.
In her home.
All the while raising wide eyed coco skinned boys who grew to believe that degradation makes the world spin upon its axis.

The message was sent, ‘it really doesn’t matter who sleeps in our mama’s bed during the day as long as our dad sleeps with our mama at night.’

And she isn’t going anywhere
Because she didn’t
And He is now his father.
And who is she?

Where do we begin?
We come from a line of beautiful protectors. Those whose eyes were not shut to the savage dealings of their women, powerless, but  mighty. When will this strength be reclaimed?
I am left standing with him

Realizing that someone didn’t love him properly.
Hadn’t caressed him the way he should have been
Held him in his time of need
Nor spoke consolingly to him.

He’s a man. A man’s man.
One that doesn’t need all of the black bowties. He doesn’t sign his messages with x’s and o’s , but he needed to be needed. What he yearned for was unspoken affirmation.
A silent stance.
An answer to all of his questions, a resolution to all of his insecurities.

Growing up in a household of women is never easy
Having your heart being broken by one is worse.

Thus a wall was built. Never to be knocked down again.

Steel in the place of feelings, stone in the place of a heart, but…
Life doesn’t run on empty emotions and flex fuels of indecisive thoughts.

So, cracks began to produce in his protective shield and for the first time he began to allow someone in.  Only at their own risk…
His strong exterior truly too fragile, could not take the distress of another’s heart,

One that lost its rhythm.

Where does he begin?

We come from a line of hand holding and Sunday dinners. Hair brushes and grease, dancing in the front of the mirror and singing into brushes. Where poverty was love and what was most important was the gentle embraces exhibited by another.

She lost her luster for life at 14.

When he left
His call to duty had stripped her of her innocence
As she could not process change

Withdrawn, indecisive, and alone.

Left to grow without the guiding hand of her father
Choosing to avoid the void that claimed her valor
She filled it

Her beautiful chocolate skin melted

Forming a puddle of self-worthless
Over indulgence
And a failed demise

Choosing to please rather than be pleased with self

Working tirelessly to defeat his insecurities as he nurtured hers.

She could never win.

And he…
He could never replace him
As change came and gone with deployment
The seasons shifted and she is left
Left to collect the pieces of her shattered soul.

Where does she begin?
She had never worked a day in her life

Always tending to children
Neighborhood children
Relatives children
Eventually her own

Pampering and cultivating the minds of youth

While she was just a child herself
Seeds of life growing in her womb
When
She never even experienced life
Or life outside of Philadelphia
But instinct isn’t taught it’s innate

We can’t learn experience we live them

And hers is in a box

We come from a line
A line
A very long line
Of love and faith
Lies and deceit
Family and Food
Untruths and secrets
A line of our business

A line that has been detached

Then sown back together
But never the same

And where do we go from here?
Where is our glue?