It’s 2017. I’ve been having quite a time conceptualizing the fact that 2016 has come and gone and my life has changed so much in a matter of countable days. For starters, I have not updated and/or written on my blog for over a year. I could say that I was too busy living, yet the truth is I haven’t opened my heart and placed creative pen to paper in almost 365 days. That is a long time. A long time to bottle up all of the experiences that I have been exposed too. A long time to sit and simply think without sharing; To wallow in my own tears without asking someone for a tissue to help me dry them.
As I sit and pen these words, I would be remiss state the blatant fact that 2016 has been a rough year for many. For a moment, it appeared as if the world was in mourning. Heavenly tears, drenched into our life’s oceans. The deaths, the wars, the protests, the childless, the parentless, wrathful positions of power and growing older has inflicted pain amongst many. There were many who bid adieu to 2016 whilst seeking greener pastures in the year to come.
I, I am still steadily working on achieving goals that I set for myself more than a year ago. I struggle with stepping into my own freedom. With picking up a pen and allowing my heart to do the talking. I am at war within. Posing questions to myself that I am often reluctant to answer. There were many times over the past year where I have felt as if I simply disappointed me. There have been distinct moments where I’ve transcended professionally, staggered spiritually, grown emotionally, while still seeking to manifest an equalizing physically. I can’t say that stepping into a new year has rid me off all of these obstacles. Yet, with each day I am determined to try again.
Trying. Such a simple word that takes great effort to conceptualize. I always know that despite all that I go through, fear is the ultimate factor that prohibits me from trying. Minor insecurities chip away at my armor of confidence and I am left, vulnerable, afraid and in the same that I was when I began. It takes a lot to exert the effort with the hopes of manifesting greatness.
With my next step forward I will write. I will attempt to allow the tenderness that is my fragile heart seep through. I will pen my words engulfed in tears and uplifted with my smiles. I will write because I keep trying to. I will write because I need too. I will write because that is all I know.